Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hard Day

UGH!!! Today has been the worst day ever! I just feel so empty and lonely. David called this morning on my way to Target. We chatted for about thirty minutes and everything was ok. Grey and I walked around Target and got little Valentines for Daddy, Gammy, and Gampy. That's when the sadness hit me.

Instead of giving David his Valentine's Day Present it will be mailed to him. I'm sure by the time it gets there it will be disheveled like a college girl walking back to her dorm in the early morning hours. I try to stay positive and think about all the fun we had on our eighteen days, but sometimes I just want to crawl in bed. Today was one of those days. The bed has special appeal right now too. It still has a hint of David's scent. We changed the sheets the night before he left, so his pillow smells of his body wash. The scent is starting to fade, but it makes him feel closer as I snuggle into at night.

I knew being without him would be hard, but I never imagined the range of emotions I would feel. I pray every night for a shortened deployment. We will find out in mid February for sure. It would be wonderful to have David here to share the summer with Grey and me. I never thought I would be ready to be back in Killeen, but if it means being with David I'm there. In the meantime, all I can do is hope for a better day tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Getting into the Swing

So, today was a lot better than yesterday. I decided that I could only have a pity party for one day only! As a result, I got out of bed today and made myself feel refreshed. I slapped a big ol' smile on my face and acted as if everything was just dandy. Fake it 'til you make it, right? So, I got myself and Grey ready for the gym. I worked out for the first time in like 20 days. It felt good to be burning calories, and very therapeutic. As if all my sadness and uneasiness was melting away with those calories. It made me feel better, and thus I had a better day.

Grey is adjusting somewhat okay since David's departure. He is real clingy to me, but that is expected. I don't mind him wanting me to cuddle and hold him tight. He has already grown so much, and I know the next eighteen years are going to fly by. It seems like yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital, thinking I was never going to sleep again. Now, at nine months he is crawling all around, pulling up on everything and taking little baby steps. I can't believe my baby is turning into a toddler. It makes me sad, but I enjoy seeing all his new accomplishments.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Back to the Real World!

I have been living in a fantasy world for the last nineteen days. David has been here, and it has been wonderful! We had a blast, and now that it is over I have that gross feeling in my stomach similar to the one that I would feel being faced with hours worth of homework on a Sunday afternoon. But, right now I will share all the wonderful memories I have from time together.

David came in on Wednesday January 7th. It felt so surreal to see him at the airport. It was like being five years old again on Christmas morning. All the anticipation building as you wait to open the "big" gift. I saw David, and just melted into his arms. The first two days were the roughest because we were so excited to be with each other, and couldn't sleep even though we were so tired. It was the greatest feeling, until we would be awaken at seven in the morning by Grey. It was okay though because our family was together again. I felt whole, completed, like everything was in place again.

So, in nineteen days we celebrated Christmas, Grey's First Birthday (I know we are four months early), Our Anniversary (we stayed at a Bed and Breakfast on the Riverwalk, and David got me a diamond bracelet. He made up for last year!), David's arrival/Aunt's Birthday in Jacksonville, bought a new car to haul Grey around (a LTZ Tahoe), ate at Coco Bistro and Lounge (which I recommend to anyone who comes to San Antonio), and many more fabulous things that I cannot remember at the moment.

It was such a relief to have David home, and him leaving today hit me like a ton of bricks. I am just glad that the weather agreed with me, and was cloudy and cold today. I know that I will be fine by the end of the week. It is just an adjustment. I will miss him going to sleep with me every night, and having him wake me by bringing Grey to my side or making me breakfast in bed. I have the most wonderful husband ever, and can't wait for his return home!

Friday, January 2, 2009

It's a New Year

It's a New Year with new starts. 2008 started very good, but ended very crappy. Of course the highlight of the year was the birth of my son. I feel renewed since New Year's Eve, and am looking forward to the events to come.

David is going to be home in about five days. I can't say for sure you have to love the Army, and their shitty scheduling. I am anxious, but have so much to do before he gets here. Clean the house, get my nails done, and get an outfit for the occasion. I know most of this sounds fun, but remember I haven't seen him in 7 months. I want to look perfect! I will let you know how it goes. I am sure that I will be bitching about cleaning in the next few days.

Oh PS: I hate dieting!!!!!!!