Lost in the Mix

There is still a cloud of sadness engulfing the Killeen/Fort Hood area, as there should. It is just strange that driving on the way to church yesterday that there was media parked outside the III Corps Headquarters. To me, it feels like an invasion. I don't want to see our town on CNN or Fox News or whatever station it happens to be on. But, this shooting will effect the whole country not just our community.

Even though this horrible tradegy has happened in a weird way it has restored faith in people. Fort Hood has come together as a community to help the fallen victims and the injured. Making meals, helping stock their pantries, donating blood, and praying for the families affected by this terrible act. Tuesday the memorial will take place and hopefully give closure to soldiers and families at Fort Hood.

I never in a million years thought something like this could happen on Fort Hood. It is something you hear about in other communities or see in movies.

Long Time

It has been way too long since the last time I have blogged. I have been a little busy, but yesterday's event on the military post that I live on woke me up (so to speak) yesterday.

It was a normal afternoon for me yesterday. I dropped Grey off at Mother's Day Out, went home to get ready for the FRG Meeting, went to the meeting, and came home. David and I enjoyed lunch together while Grey napped. I kissed him before he walked out the door and decided to take a nap myself.

I got a frantic phone call from Deborah to turn on the News there was a shooting. I thought it had happened in Killeen, but I turned on the News and realized it was right where I live, on Post. It was just a jumble, the News didn't really know what was going on just that there was a shooting. My heart dropped into my stomach. Here is the place that I feel safe! On post we have guards at every gate, it's a Military Post. I heard sirens going off to take shelter immediately. It was all so surreal. Phone lines were jammed and I could not get a hold of David. My instincts knew that everything was ok, but I just wanted to hear his voice.

I was glued to the News trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I was on the with Deborah, but calls started flooding in along with text messages, and Facebook posts. The calls would drop quickly and it took awhile to send text messages. David and I emailed back and forth because that was easiest. I appreciate all the calls of concerns because I was in my house by myself with the doors open and the blinds open like any other normal day. I closed the doors and locked them and closed the blinds. Poor Grey didn't understand that he couldn't go outside and was throwing tantrums. Jazzy wasn't any better she was whining the entire time. Fort Hood was on lock down. There was nothing I could do, but try to entertain my babies.

I was angry! How dare these man or men take away our sense of security and safety. If you don't believe in our effort in Iraq and Afghanistan then leave the military. If you feel the need to take lives to prove your point, TAKE YOUR OWN!!! As Deborah put it, don't be selfish and take other's family members. How true! We are not sure what the repercussions of yesterday's tradegy will be, but I have already heard from some other Army Wives they have armed soldiers outside of the elementary schools, and I assume all the schools. Not only do we have to worry about our soldiers when they are deployed we have to worry about their safety when they leave the door to go to work! I am deeply saddened and confused about yesterday's events.

Say a little prayer for the 13 dead and 31 wounded. We are gonna try to do what we can to help (give blood).

This Week

This week is going to be so much better than last week. I am over being sick and so is Grey. I am so excited because I have so many fun things planned for us to do.

1. Go to the Park
2. Go outside and Blow Bubbles (he loves to chase after them!)
3. Walk to the Library and Enjoy Story Time on Tuesday
4. Go to Lunch with Gammy
5. Look at Houses to buy in Copperas Cove!

We are going to have so much fun this week. The weather is going to be beautiful and our days will be packed with fun stuff to do! Maybe we will even venture downtown to The Rain Forrest Cafe` (its Grey's favorite place because he loves the fishies!)

Hope everyone else has a wonderful week as well! Oh, and my truck is getting fixed today. Yay!!

Parenting

I know that every person/couple has their own parenting style, but sometimes don't you just feel like you are right?

Tonight at dinner, I found out some very disturbing news about my childhood. It really is no secret that Middle School was pretty much hell for me. Having my dad's eyebrows was one of areas that all loved to tease me about. The lowest point was in 8th Grade when we had to write one nice thing about the person next to you, and the boy next to me (that I had a crush on naturally) wrote he wished he had my eyebrows. So, when he got up in front of the class and proclaimed this everybody started laughing. I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to die. I begged and pleaded for my parents to let me get my eyebrows waxed. They always said no. It wasn't until we moved to Texas, and things got even worse for me in High School. They finally gave in when I was 15.

So, tonight at dinner my dad was talking about how he needed to trim his eyebrows because they are bushy people. They are about to get their own zip code! I told him I would do it tomorrow even though they never let me do anything about my eyebrows for forever! He then told me that he thought it was his decision not to let me get my eyebrows fixed. He thought not only was I too young, but it cost money, and it was good that I was teased because it made me stronger in the end. This hurt so bad because I had such low self esteem for years because of all the teasing I went through, sometimes I still have doubts.

I guess I just don't understand that thinking. If Grey was being teased for something that could be easily fixed I would have no problem getting it fixed. I never want him to be in pain, and wouldn't be able to stand it if he came home crying everyday. It hurts me to think that all the suffering I went through for something so easily fixed had no effect on my father.

Update

So, yesterday I was pretty bummed out. Today didn't get much better for me.

Grey is not completely heathly yet, but on his way. He is playing and eating like a horse. I guess if you don't eat much for ten days you have to make up. Today he has constantly had food in his hands. He can't have food in just one hand he has to have food in each. (I know that it is just a baby thing). He is so cute, if I do say so myself.

Ok, those bastards that broke into my truck did more than just break a window. They dented the panel between the driver's window and the passenger window, messed up the weather stripping, caused scratches in the paint, messed up the paneling inside the truck by the window, and messed up the wood paneling that holds the window controller. UGH, they did over $700.00 of damage to my truck. I have only had it for like a month. At least we have insurance and it is getting fixed on Monday.

As for me, I have to go to the doctor. I thought I could just take some NyQuil and get better. No such luck this time. My nose is stopped up, I can't stop coughing, and it is super hard to breathe. It takes such effort to breathe, which makes sleeping very hard! I guess I will have to suck it up, and go see the professionals. I hate going to the doctor :(

Hope everyone else is having a better week. My week will get better I am optimistic!

This Week So Far

UGH!!! This week has been a disaster and it's only Tuesday! Let me start from the beginning.

First off, Grey has been sick for about ten days. I took him to Wilford Hall the day it started because he was running a 103.0 degree fever. Wilford Hall said nothing was wrong with him. So, I left defeated thinking I was CRAZY! Well, he started wheezing more, coughing, snotty nose, and worst of all throwing up. He wasn't eating or drinking hardly at all, and my baby loves to eat! So, I decided to switch him to BAMC. That is the best decision I have ever made. I took him to the doctor yesterday, and everyone was so nice! (This is the light at the end of the tunnel.) From the lady checking us in to the actual doctor. They were so gentle with Grey and all the staff was playing with him. I found out the he had Bronchitis. We were there for four hours getting breathing treatments, chest x-rays, and steroids. Grey took a nap in the car on the way home. By the time we got home, Grey was back to himself. He was chasing the cats, getting into the cabinets, drinking, and finally eating! He didn't go to bed until nine because he was so excited to be up and moving. We took him back today, and his chest sounds a lot better, but we still have to do breathing treatments every four hours, and steroids (for four days).

Now, the bad news. My brand new Tahoe got broken into at lunch yesterday. My dad wanted to see Grey one more time before we took him to the hospital because he wouldn't see him for like five hours (my parents are attached can you tell). So, we were in there for maybe 30 minutes and my dad even went out to the car to get Grey's sipee cup about ten minutes into lunch. I got to the truck and noticed glass was everywhere. Stupid me opened the door and glass went everywhere. I called Onstar and my mom notified the restaurant manager. A cop came quickly and made the report. They caught it on tape! So all in all, they made away with three empty Barney DVD cases and my beautiful Coach purse that retails at $400.00. I was so upset, but most of all I can't believe they found the purse. My truck was such a mess let me tell you everything that was on top of this purse. A baby blanket, three of Grey's toys, Grey's Froggy, empty plastic sacks, and an Old Navy bag containing clothes that Grey threw up on. I'm just impressed that they found the purse, but also pissed!

At least, USAA is extremely efficient and my window is fixed already. I just have to go get the rubber around the window fixed tomorrow. I will find out about getting payment for my stolen purse. If you are military and do not currently have USAA, I highly recommended it. They are so helpful and friendly!

Lastly, Grey gave me his illness. I am coughing, stopped up, headachy, and running a 102.0 degree fever. I am going to bed now, and hope that I am better by tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!

What do you think?

So, last night I finally put Grey's baby monitor that we purchased for our house in Killeen. I used it in Killeen, but just never got around to putting it up in San Antonio. It is a camera so I can see him, and hear him. I love the idea of knowing how he is sleeping or is he sitting up in his sleep, etc.

My dad walked in as I was running back and forth trying to position the camera just right. He laughed not only at me running back and forth, but at the fact that we owned such a fancy baby monitor. This is when I thought, "Do we as Americans, spend too much money on baby equipment?"

I know I have, especially since Grey is my first child. David and I purchased the best of everything. We bought a crib and dresser set that was very expensive, the best car seat, tons of brand name clothes, and of course the baby monitor with a camera. What is it that makes us spend so much? Is it really for safety or for looks.

For me personally, I wanted to make sure my baby had the best of everything. I love my baby so much, and just want to make sure he is as safe as possible. If anything ever happened to my son I would die. Grey is my world, and I want to do the best I can for him! As for the clothes, that is for me. When we are in public I want to people to know that I take care of my son, and put him before myself.

I would like to know your opinions, do we as Americans, spend too much on baby equipment?

Life

Wow! I can't believe the way my life is turning out. I never thought of my mom as the Suburban house wife type. I thought after college I would get married (which I did before I graduated College), and then get a teaching job. That plan didn't quite work out since David joined the Army. I'm not all that bummed that the plan fell through. I didn't exactly enjoy student teaching.

Instead, I insisted on having a baby, and we did. He is absolutely fabulous, and I am so happy that we made that decision. Although, times get tough having a little one without David, Grey keeps my spirits up. His little smile just makes me melt (even when he wakes me up at 4 AM). But, I never thought I would get so domesticated.

If I'm not asleep by nine then I am past by bed time! When did my life turn into this. I used to drive a fuel efficient vehicle, now I drive the stereotypical soccer mom vehicle. I love my Tahoe, but as I was driving to work I realized that I turned into what I feared most, my own mother! I cook dinner every night, give Grey a bath, and watch The Bachelor! That show is for old woman, and I don't even enjoy, but that's another topic! She is a wonderful lady, as most of you know. The problem is I'm only 23! Maybe once Grey starts school I will get my spunk back.

At least I am happy with the path my life has taken, and wouldn't change it for anything.

Army Wives

I received this in my e-mail, and wanted to share it with all my other Army Wife friends. It's cheesy, but reminded me of myself :) Hope you enjoy!

Army Wives

I'm the one you walk past in Wal-Mart smelling a man's brand of
deodorant and buying the same brand of shower gel. I'm trying to
remember his smell.

I'm the one you see in the back of the church, a tear running down my
face as the congregation prays for our country and our troops. He's one
of them.

I'm the one you beep at for sitting at a green light. I was looking at
the flag blowing in the breeze at the corner gas station and thinking of
all it means to me, to him, and to our life together.

I'm the one with a trunk full of flat rate boxes and customs forms, I
know my local postal workers by name. The package I send him every pay
day makes him seem close to me.

I'm the one with a funny looking decal in the back windshield of my car,
you wonder where it came from and if it might mean something. He gave it
to me before he left, it's his MOS and we are proud.

I'm the one you walk past as I completely fall apart and lose it because
I left my cell phone at home. You might think "it's just a phone", but
it's the life line of my marriage and it was his day to call.

I'm the one you have labeled as quiet or reserved, the one who is never
really part of anything, you don't know I wear the far a-way look
because my heart boarded the plane with his.

I'm the one that hears 'tell him I say thanks, that I'm praying for him
' at least once a day, and I always tell him for you, but I can't help
but think, who prays for me as I continue to do my best to serve him.

I'm the one that nods right along as you say that you understand or that
it's better now with the internet. I know that it is, but what you don't
know is that nothing will ever replace the joy of receiving a letter or
that the webcams and instant messenger just remind me of all the million
little things about him that I love and miss.

I'm the one that is so used to saying I'm fine, to being numb, to
missing him, that I can't remember any other way to be. I wonder at
times if the 'fine' he tells me is the same 'fine' that I seem to be
these days.

I'm the one that hates Friday and Saturday nights as I sit alone at
home. I'm in a new town and don't know anyone to hang out with. The
weekends remind me my best friend isn't here to show me around and make
the best of a new place together.

I'm the one that eats more frozen dinners now because I don't want to
cook for just myself. The one who six months ago couldn't picture myself
eating out alone; but have since taken it to an art-form, no longer even
needing a book or headphones to displace the emptiness of a nice
restaurant.

I'm the one that is as strong and patriotic as the hero I married, not
because I stand on the frontlines but because I stay behind stoking the
home-fires for months on end with a quiet resolve not unlike the one
that personifies him.

I'm the one that tells an ACU teddy bear or the moon goodnight that I
love you, because it makes me feel less lonely and because I hope he
somehow hears or feels it.

I'm the one that turns the porch light on at sunset to light his way
back home, to me, to our life together, to the love and the good times
we once shared.

I'm the wife of an American Soldier; I'm the hope that lives within him
after storm clouded days. The freedom from war that gives wings to his
heart, may they reach across the miles and bind our hearts together
against all that we must face in this world.

Note from Bob - for three deployments now I have marveled at the
strength of our Army wives and how they stand up to the hardships and
challenges they endure and handle. I wish more Americans understood and
appreciated the price you pay for their freedoms. I salute you all.

Long Day

Today has been such a long day for me! I just felt like it was never going to end. First off, Grey still has an ear infection despite the two shots, and was up from 3:00 to 4:30 am. He finally got back to sleep, and it seemed like it was time for Church. We got ready for Mass, and that lasted an hour and a half. As most people know, us Catholics like our Mass to be an hour or under.

My poor baby was so tired, but would not take a nap! He was so tired that he couldn't even crawl or pull up. I tried giving him a bottle, but he just drank it without going to sleep. I guess that bottle had a bit of Red Bull in it because he went wild! He was crawling around the house like a madman. Pulling up on everything, unscrewing knobs off the cabinets, and trying to get in the bathtub. I needed a nap, but my little man just wouldn't give up.

So, I decided to run to the mall since he was wide awake anyway. I had a coupon for Express, and I just don't think any coupon should go to waste! So, I went and got myself a new pair of jeans (since all mine are too big for me), and some cute spring tops. Deborah and I will be taking over the FRG in April, so I need some nice clothes to go to meetings. It was a bit of a splurge, but I felt like I deserved it. Ever since I got pregnant with Grey I put him first. That is what a mom is supposed to do, and I'm not complaining in any sort of way. It just feels so much more special when I treat myself now compared to before.

My little man means so much to me, and I wouldn't trade him for the world! Tomorrow we are going to have to go back to Wilford Hall and Grey will get two more shots. I just hope that this will do the trick, and I won't have to take him back a third time. So, everybody cross your fingers for us!

~TJ~

Back at Work

So, today instead of sleeping in with Grey (7:00AM) this morning; I had to get up and get ready for work. I was not looking forward to this day by any means. Who really would though? I just had an entire month off! I got spoiled by not having to wake up before Grey did.

Although, I do think working will help me get back into a routine. It will help the time pass by a lot quicker. Instead of working 5 days a week I am now just going to work three days a week. My baby misses me while I am at work, and you know what I miss him!

These days Grey has gotten braver in quest to walk. He is still trying to stand right in the middle of the floor. This weekend he fell on his face twice, and backwards three times. He has my stubborn spirit though, and won't give up until he gets what he wants! Last night, he had so much fun being the center of attention at Amanda's little Super Bowl Party. He was crawling around the living room trying to decide who's lap he would sit on next. He is such a ham like his dad. He loves to be the center of attention, and have people adore him. All his little antics make me laugh. My little man is such a special person. I am so lucky to have him in my life!

Hard Day

UGH!!! Today has been the worst day ever! I just feel so empty and lonely. David called this morning on my way to Target. We chatted for about thirty minutes and everything was ok. Grey and I walked around Target and got little Valentines for Daddy, Gammy, and Gampy. That's when the sadness hit me.

Instead of giving David his Valentine's Day Present it will be mailed to him. I'm sure by the time it gets there it will be disheveled like a college girl walking back to her dorm in the early morning hours. I try to stay positive and think about all the fun we had on our eighteen days, but sometimes I just want to crawl in bed. Today was one of those days. The bed has special appeal right now too. It still has a hint of David's scent. We changed the sheets the night before he left, so his pillow smells of his body wash. The scent is starting to fade, but it makes him feel closer as I snuggle into at night.

I knew being without him would be hard, but I never imagined the range of emotions I would feel. I pray every night for a shortened deployment. We will find out in mid February for sure. It would be wonderful to have David here to share the summer with Grey and me. I never thought I would be ready to be back in Killeen, but if it means being with David I'm there. In the meantime, all I can do is hope for a better day tomorrow.

Getting into the Swing

So, today was a lot better than yesterday. I decided that I could only have a pity party for one day only! As a result, I got out of bed today and made myself feel refreshed. I slapped a big ol' smile on my face and acted as if everything was just dandy. Fake it 'til you make it, right? So, I got myself and Grey ready for the gym. I worked out for the first time in like 20 days. It felt good to be burning calories, and very therapeutic. As if all my sadness and uneasiness was melting away with those calories. It made me feel better, and thus I had a better day.

Grey is adjusting somewhat okay since David's departure. He is real clingy to me, but that is expected. I don't mind him wanting me to cuddle and hold him tight. He has already grown so much, and I know the next eighteen years are going to fly by. It seems like yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital, thinking I was never going to sleep again. Now, at nine months he is crawling all around, pulling up on everything and taking little baby steps. I can't believe my baby is turning into a toddler. It makes me sad, but I enjoy seeing all his new accomplishments.

Back to the Real World!

I have been living in a fantasy world for the last nineteen days. David has been here, and it has been wonderful! We had a blast, and now that it is over I have that gross feeling in my stomach similar to the one that I would feel being faced with hours worth of homework on a Sunday afternoon. But, right now I will share all the wonderful memories I have from time together.

David came in on Wednesday January 7th. It felt so surreal to see him at the airport. It was like being five years old again on Christmas morning. All the anticipation building as you wait to open the "big" gift. I saw David, and just melted into his arms. The first two days were the roughest because we were so excited to be with each other, and couldn't sleep even though we were so tired. It was the greatest feeling, until we would be awaken at seven in the morning by Grey. It was okay though because our family was together again. I felt whole, completed, like everything was in place again.

So, in nineteen days we celebrated Christmas, Grey's First Birthday (I know we are four months early), Our Anniversary (we stayed at a Bed and Breakfast on the Riverwalk, and David got me a diamond bracelet. He made up for last year!), David's arrival/Aunt's Birthday in Jacksonville, bought a new car to haul Grey around (a LTZ Tahoe), ate at Coco Bistro and Lounge (which I recommend to anyone who comes to San Antonio), and many more fabulous things that I cannot remember at the moment.

It was such a relief to have David home, and him leaving today hit me like a ton of bricks. I am just glad that the weather agreed with me, and was cloudy and cold today. I know that I will be fine by the end of the week. It is just an adjustment. I will miss him going to sleep with me every night, and having him wake me by bringing Grey to my side or making me breakfast in bed. I have the most wonderful husband ever, and can't wait for his return home!

It's a New Year

It's a New Year with new starts. 2008 started very good, but ended very crappy. Of course the highlight of the year was the birth of my son. I feel renewed since New Year's Eve, and am looking forward to the events to come.

David is going to be home in about five days. I can't say for sure you have to love the Army, and their shitty scheduling. I am anxious, but have so much to do before he gets here. Clean the house, get my nails done, and get an outfit for the occasion. I know most of this sounds fun, but remember I haven't seen him in 7 months. I want to look perfect! I will let you know how it goes. I am sure that I will be bitching about cleaning in the next few days.

Oh PS: I hate dieting!!!!!!!